


Underwater

by ToxicPineapple



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: A bit scattered tbh, Angst, Aromatic Sonia Nevermind, Aversion to touch, Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Sexual Abuse, Implied abuse, Kiyo is NOt living atm tbh, Nothing is too explicit but it's alllll there, Panic Attacks, Past Abuse, Platonic Relationships, This really isn't a happy fic though, Vague allusions to past torture, descriptions of panic attacks, introspective
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-02
Updated: 2019-10-02
Packaged: 2020-11-15 03:28:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20859476
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ToxicPineapple/pseuds/ToxicPineapple
Summary: “You do not make it difficult to remain engaged,” Korekiyo replies simply, and Sonia hums, reaching back to tap the top of his hat. It’s something that she’s done before, and Korekiyo wrinkles his nose when she does it, but mostly just because he thinks it’s a bit childish and as such he ought to. He doesn’t mind, in all seriousness. It’s another one of those gestures that makes him feel safe around her.“I do mean it, though. You’re an excellent person to talk to. I’m glad I’m friends with you.” Sudden compliments not expected but certainly not unwelcome. Korekiyo is- “Sometimes it feels more like you’re my younger brother than my friend. Is that weird?”And then suddenly it’s not okay anymore.---Korekiyo is reminded and Sonia tries to help.





	Underwater

**Author's Note:**

  * For [seraf](https://archiveofourown.org/users/seraf/gifts).

> tw: bro I don't say anything explicitly but Kiyo is a???? sexual abuse survivor??? wtf Danganronpa that portrayal in the chapter three trial... for SHAME. making his abuse into a wtf moment I can't even
> 
> in all seriousness???? be???????? fucking careful reading this??? it's a heavy topic????? gosh

Sonia is among one of Korekiyo’s more affectionate friends.

It’s something he didn’t really notice at first, because normally they’re both too distracted by whatever they’re talking about to have time for those physical gestures she seems to be so fond of. Sonia really likes talking about a lot of darker things, which is a bit surprising from a princess, though Korekiyo figured she’d be the type the moment he saw her. (He’s a good just of character. It comes with the territory.) At any rate, he’s more than happy to oblige her. She’s always so interesting to talk to, and the way that she gets very excited about whatever they’re discussing is beautiful, too.

She’s more conventionally beautiful than a lot of friends Korekiyo has had in the past. Long blonde hair and thick eyelashes that call attention to her grey-blue eyes. A very European standard for beauty. One of her classmates, his name is Kazuichi, is always talking very loudly about his crush on her, but Korekiyo is pretty sure that’s just Kazuichi’s way of staying in the closet, because Sonia is a very stereotypical person to have a crush on.

She’s also aromantic, though.

But back on the note about her being more affectionate than most of the people Korekiyo hangs out with. Sonia is very casual about hugs, and touches to the shoulder, and stuff like that. He’s seen her brush tears directly off of some of her classmates' faces before, and give people hugs for no real reason other than she must simply feel like it. She doesn’t make it weird, which is always appreciated on the end of whoever she’s being touchy with, but…

It’s a bit startling for her to do it with him. Korekiyo doesn’t really mind being touched, he’s just not used to it. Most people act hesitant to put their hands on him at all. Perhaps turned away by whatever aura he puts out. (Except Rantaro, of course, but that’s different in a thousand ways.) Which is why he’s taken aback when, in the middle of a conversation, Sonia rests her head against his shoulder, looking up and gesturing wildly with her hands.

She glances at him when she sees he’s not responding, though. “Is this alright?” Sonia asks, sitting up a little. “I apologise, I get so comfortable around you at times I forget that you aren’t Hinata.” An odd comparison considering that Hajime, while beautiful as all humans are, is pretty judgemental at times and thus he and Korekiyo really have little in common. “Gundham isn’t a fan of touch either, so if you’re against it-”

“No, it’s alright. You may continue.” Korekiyo gestures with one of his hands, because he really doesn’t mind. Sonia has soft hair that smells like honeysuckle- she likely uses the same shampoo as Kaede, or something, because they smell the same- and she doesn’t weigh a lot, so the weight against his shoulder is pleasant rather than oppressive or achey. He smiles, even though she can’t see it underneath his mask, and Sonia returns the expression, likely reading the crinkles in his eyes, and returns her head to its spot. “I was merely surprised, is all,” he adds, to let her know that he wasn’t silent for any bad reasons.

“Right then!” Sonia beams. “So as I was saying,” and with that, she keeps talking. Korekiyo likes to talk a fair amount himself, but he enjoys being the passive party in an interaction just as much. Sonia is a good friend, and he likes listening to her speak. Her Japanese is perfect, of course, because she has good pronunciation in all the languages she speaks, but the tilts in her voice are still just a bit different than those of a native speaker. To any ordinary person it would be unnoticeable, but Korekiyo isn’t really an ordinary person. He can pick up these things because it’s not uncommon for him to listen to people and attempt to figure out if Japanese is, in fact, their first language.

Her voice is higher in pitch, but strong. She’s going to make a good queen (of course she is, she’s an Ultimate after all) and part of it is precisely because her voice is so strong. She has a very commanding presence when she wants to, and that’s going to serve her well when she’s leading her kingdom. It doesn’t hurt any that she’s just nice to listen to in general, of course. That part is Korekiyo’s own opinion, though- there are a lot of objective things that factor into it but when push comes to shove he’s  _ fond  _ of Sonia, and that’s why he likes listening to her. It really can be that simple. Which is something that he has to remind himself of sometimes.

Sonia smiles again as she turns her head to look at him. “You’re a good listener, Shinguji.” She remarks, and Korekiyo smiles slightly. He’s not embarrassed to receive the compliment, because he knows it’s true- it’s something he prides himself on, in fact- but hearing it is still flattering. Especially from Sonia. Her compliments always seem to mean just a bit more than compliments from other people. Perhaps because she always really means them.

“You do not make it difficult to remain engaged,” Korekiyo replies simply, and Sonia hums, reaching back to tap the top of his hat. It’s something that she’s done before, and Korekiyo wrinkles his nose when she does it, but mostly just because he thinks it’s a bit childish and as such he ought to. He doesn’t mind, in all seriousness. It’s another one of those gestures that makes him feel safe around her.

“I do mean it, though. You’re an excellent person to talk to. I’m glad I’m friends with you.” Sudden compliments not expected but certainly not unwelcome. Korekiyo is- “Sometimes it feels more like you’re my younger brother than my friend. Is that weird?”

And then suddenly it’s not okay anymore.

Korekiyo hates it- that itchy, crawling feeling in the back of his throat that tells him he’s going to throw up when he’s  _ not,  _ he isn’t, because nothing is  _ wrong.  _ Nothing substantial, anyway, nothing he could use to explain why his eyes widen and he suddenly stops hearing what Sonia is saying. He hated that twist in his gut too, the one that makes him feel dizzy and upside down and like he’s going to collapse even though he’s already sitting down. Sonia’s weight on his arm, once pleasant and welcome, now feels like burning, and he’d like her to move- but his mouth feels glued shut and for the life of him he can’t figure out how to make his voice work.

Blood rushes past Korekiyo’s ears and he thinks,  _ this is incredibly stupid.  _ Because it is. Because the words  _ younger brother  _ shouldn’t act as a trigger for him, they’re not triggering words. He can hear about siblings, and he can talk about them, and he can even talk about her, as in capital H her, as in the Her who is (was) his  _ own  _ sister who he loves painfully but hates too in a weird confusing way that he really tries not to think about most times. But for some reason Sonia’s words, harmless and affectionate and flattering until a few seconds ago make his skin crawl and he wants to climb out of it.

He wants to float up in the air and be sensationless for a few hours until everything feels natural again. Or, alternatively, he’d like to be alone so he can pull his hair out and regret it later.

The mere  _ association  _ of someone like Sonia with Sister… it makes him want to vomit a little bit. A lot, actually. But he’s not going to, because that would be ridiculous, because there’s nothing to throw up over. And yet-

It was okay before and now it’s not. It was fine, perfect just seconds ago, and now it’s not.

“Shinguji? Korekiyo? Hey.” Sonia’s not on his arm anymore but the spot still burns, like someone put a burning metal rod against his skin (a sensation that Korekiyo is, naturally, familiar with) for a long moment and then pulled it away, leaving the burning pain behind but taking away the primary offender. He hates thinking of Sonia that way, she’s not some instrument of torture, she’s- his  _ friend.  _ “Are you alright?”

Korekiyo unglues his lips and opens his mouth and nothing comes out but an airy wheeze. He can barely think straight. He  _ can’t  _ think straight, actually, and Sonia is frowning, and frowning means- well, it never means good things, so… he inches away, very slightly, and her concern seems to grow.

“Can you hear me, Korekiyo?” Korekiyo swallows hard at the worry in her voice, feels a bit bad for it, but everything around him is warping in and out and her voice sounds like she’s talking to him through water. Incoherent in that way, but vaguely decipherable. “Hey. Korekiyo, can you hear me? How can I help you? Korekiyo?”

“I’m-” he chokes out, and inhales sharply, glad he’s found his voice, only for the relief to diminish once it occurs to him that he doesn’t know what to say. Sonia’s expression is twisted and her hand is outstretched like she wants to touch him but he can’t deal with that so he leans away and she seems to get the message. She has the good grace not to look stung, but Korekiyo isn’t sure if that’s because she doesn’t want him to see that she’s upset or because she genuinely doesn’t mind, because whenever he tried to shrink away from Sister’s touches she’d always get upset at him. Sucking in another one of those choked gasps, Korekiyo manages to say, “Rantaro, can you- can you get-”

“Oh! Oh, your boyfriend?”  _ Well,  _ now, Rantaro isn’t really a  _ boyfriend  _ because Korekiyo can’t have boyfriends but he comes pretty close, close enough that when Sonia asks Korekiyo just nods his head, and the princess jumps to her feet. “Alright, I’ll- uhm… hey!” She turns her head, and there’s someone going by who she runs over to talk to. Korekiyo makes out a blur of grey and pink, a higher voice (similar to Himiko’s but different because it’s a bit lower and more mature) mingling with Sonia’s, and then suddenly another girl is sitting in front of her rather than the princess.

“Shinguji, right?” Chiaki Nanami is her name, she’s what, the Ultimate… Korekiyo’s head is scattered, he’s almost embarrassed to meet her eyes. Why is she sitting here? (Why did he ask for Rantaro to begin with? That was never in his mind in the first place.) “You’re a first year.” Korekiyo nods, because he feels he ought to, and tries to calm himself down a bit. Chiaki is sitting a comfortable few feet away from him, all her limbs drawn into herself and not extended towards him, but he doesn’t know that she  _ won’t  _ reach out and touch him, and his skin is still crawling at the mere thought of any physical contact with anybody right now. “What’s your Ultimate again?”

Korekiyo wonders how Chiaki can honestly be expecting him to talk right now. She blinks her pink eyes at him and seems to realise what he’s thinking. Those eyes, they’re soft and pretty, they widen after a moment, and she glances away.

“Oh. Sorry.” She apologises. “I wanted to make conversation. Anyway, you’re the uh… anthropologist.” She nods, like she’s certain that’s correct. “Tanaka likes you. I think. It’s… hard to tell with him, admittedly. But he thinks you’re cool.” That would probably make him happy, but he’s not really hearing what she’s saying. Though she does have a very soothing voice. It’s soft, and a bit childish. There’s something very quiet about Chiaki that is comforting right now in a way Korekiyo can’t describe, perhaps a bit like a soft blanket? She doesn’t seem to be expecting anything, she’s just talking, and she’s sitting there without touching him or even looking at him very much.

He should observe her more. (But is that all that he does? Observe people?)

“Kiyo!” A low voice, a bit husky, and Korekiyo looks over, feeling his heart stutter when he sees green eyes. Rantaro’s breathing is a bit laboured, like he just ran here, but he looks worried, and he honestly never looks so open, and it’s… well, it’s not a bad look on him, the openness, but Korekiyo can’t get past the creases in his forehead, because he’s seen creases which have meant punishment before, and he doesn’t like the reminder. Rantaro is different though, because Korekiyo has never met someone so different from his sister, and it’s a bit nice the way Rantaro drops to his knees in front of where he’s sitting but doesn’t touch him at all, just sits there. “You alright? Nevermind said…”

For a moment, Korekiyo wonders if his voice has crawled away and died somewhere, after he asked that Rantaro come here. It seems plausible. (Why did he ask for Rantaro anyway?) He blinks at the other boy, and his breaths feel sharp and painful through his nose. Headache inducing. A bit like inhaling at the dentist. Though, Korekiyo has been to the dentist once, and that was to accompany a friend- he doesn’t willfully go anywhere that would require him to take off his mask. He takes good care of his teeth, anyway. It’s fine.

“Are you with me, Kiyo?” Rantaro asks gently.

“A bit all over the place,” Korekiyo surprises himself by speaking. His voice sounds rough and scratchy and he doesn’t really like it, not even slightly. “But present, yes,” and then Rantaro smiles at him, a familiar, slightly cocky smile, and it’s softened by his concern but it’s still  _ there,  _ and that’s pretty nice.

“Can I touch you?” When Rantaro says that, Korekiyo quickly shakes his head, leaning away because if Rantaro asked that means he wants to and the adventurer has always respected his boundaries but he still might, because people who want to do things tend to do them. Thankfully, Rantaro’s head just bobs up and down in a jerky nod, and his hands stay at his sides, and he doesn’t move them, not at all. “That’s fine. I’m not going to touch you.” Korekiyo will thank him later. He’s too busy trying to regain control of his voice right now. “What happened?”

Rantaro doesn’t really  _ know  _ anything and Korekiyo doesn’t want to get into it because that just feels unbearable, it truly does. So he shrugs his shoulders instead, and the adventurer looks at him for a moment before nodding, as though he’s accepting it.

“How can I help?” He asks instead, and Korekiyo wonders that himself. When he shrugs a second time, he catches a flash of something in Rantaro’s eyes- perhaps irritation? But that seems out of character for Rantaro so it’s probably something more like frustration because he doesn’t know how to help. It’s not the kind of thing aimed at Korekiyo, because the adventurer is an understanding type of person, but it still makes the anthropologist feel slightly bad. “Okay. I’m just going to sit here with you, then, is that alright?”

Korekiyo supposes that’s fine- he’d like that, actually, because looking at Rantaro right now is sort of grounding. Reminds him of himself. Makes everything stop warping like he’s at the bottom of the ocean. So he nods.

“Great. And, if, if you want to put a hand on my shoulder, or anything like that, to stabilise yourself, then, that’s fine. You can just do it. You don’t need to ask permission.” Rantaro turns slightly, so that he’s facing out, but he’s still angled mostly towards Korekiyo. His green eyes are still concerned but calmer now, likely because he’s thought of something he can do, some way in which he can be of assistance right now. A feeling Korekiyo is begrudgingly familiar with.

Sonia drops to sit next to Rantaro, giving a small smile that says she’ll be there too. Chiaki has already fallen asleep, so Korekiyo imagines she’ll be here for a while too.

It’s a strange feeling that overtakes him again, because everything still feels foggy but nobody is saying anything or touching him and they’re all still there, around him. Not expecting him to say or do or allow anything. It’s a kindness he’s unused to.

But not one he dislikes.

**Author's Note:**

> anyway yeah this is for Seraf I felt bad bc the Amaguji you requested in my ship ficlet/drabble requests wasn't very angsty and you wanted angst so here you go ig dbfajkfb
> 
> fuck me sideways this is really nonsensical but I've been writing a lot today so I'm a lil bit drained lmao


End file.
